CAT Chapter 47: Endless Cycle (9)

The conversation inside continued, and the Colonel vaguely gave an affirmative response.

Lin Si… is not going on the expedition? What about me?

Ling Yi stared blankly at the silvery metal door, his eyes gradually reddening. He didn’t know when Lin Si had made this decision. At least, during their last conversation about this topic, Lin Si had told him that they would sail through the starry sea together—Ling Yi had been looking forward to this for days.

There would be no one else, no Marshal or Madam constantly giving orders, no heavy research projects. Lin Si would be relaxed, doing things he wanted to do. On the spaceship, there would only be the Colonel and many of Ling Yi’s friends from Zone 3—people he liked very much.

They would have a pleasant journey, encounter different mysterious star systems, and marvel at many vast and beautiful landscapes. Lin Si would explain the astronomical phenomena to him—during those moments, Lin Si would be very patient and gentle, and Ling Yi would love such times.

But now it seemed to have changed. If Lin Si stayed on the Voyager, all those wishes would be shattered.

The first reaction to his wishes breaking was disbelief, followed by sadness and loss. However, after the loss, he became angry.

Ling Yi bit his lower lip, blinked his eyes, forcing himself not to let the tears fall.

He thought of Vivian.

Vivian was a developed navigation system. She had always wanted to take over the spaceship, or at least take control of some small devices, but Tang Ning wouldn’t allow it because he had been experimenting with many things on Vivian, such as emotional simulation. This time, when Lucia left the Voyager to be installed on the new spaceship, Vivian thought she was finally going to be put to use. But instead, it was the original system that took over the ship.

In the end, she was just Tang Ning’s experimental subject, with no right to know about many things. Even if there were things she wanted to do, she had no choice but to obey orders.

—Just like how Lin Si always had many things to consider, but he wouldn’t tell him.

But Ling Yi also wanted to know what troubles Lin Si was facing, so he could share some of the burden.

He could only wait in the room, or outside, for Lin Si to come out of the Marshal or Madam’s office and return to his side, just like a little pet.

He stood quietly, recalling many similar moments, waiting for Lin Si to come back, occasionally sending a message or two. He wanted to send many more, to talk to Lin Si, but he was afraid of disturbing him.

He hated this feeling.

“…I hate Lin Si,” he suddenly muttered to himself.

The corridor lights illuminated his beautiful outline, and his starry black eyes, usually full of innocence, now seemed less innocent, covered with a layer of misty tears.

Ling Yi stood for a while longer, suppressing his emotions, before knocking on the control room door, entering, and activating Lucia with a few simple steps.

The Colonel, looking at the control panel, became serious. “The preparations are almost done. We’ll be able to depart tomorrow morning.”

Svenya, “Hope we have a safe journey.”

She then turned to Ling Yi. “LingLing, are you coming with us?”

The Colonel and Svenya, knowing that Lin Si would stay on the spaceship, assumed that Ling Yi also knew.

Ling Yi looked at the progress bar of Lucia’s activation and pursed his lips. “I don’t know yet.”

“It’s better to go with us,” Svenya shrugged, “I heard Lin Si is also going to be hibernating in the cryo chamber. It wouldn’t be good for you to stay alone on the Voyager.“

Ling Yi, “…Mm.”

After they left, the Colonel seemed a bit confused. “Why does Ling Yi seem off today?”

“He must be upset,” Svenya smiled, “After all, he has to be separated from Lin Si for so long.”

Lin Si was sorting through project materials, preparing to hand them over to Su Ting.

There were no major project plans for Zone  6 in the coming years, and the staff would be reduced. After he sleeps, Su Ting would take over his permissions and handle some general affairs.

Once the decision was made, these things would be easy to carry out. The only thing that worried him was Ling Yi.

Lin Si selfishly wanted Ling Yi to sleep with him. That way, when they woke up, things would be like they were now, and he would still be able to take care of and protect him.

Even if they didn’t sleep, staying on the Voyager was an option. But, after the next few years, the Voyager would definitely not be peaceful. It would be better to avoid that.

Lin Si was a target for the schemers behind the scenes, so the Marshal chose to make him sleep to avoid confusion. The Lucia system was transferred to the new spaceship, and the Voyager system, known for its monitoring and security features, was reactivated. These actions indicated that a thorough cleaning and investigation would take place on the spaceship in the future.

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In the days before the Expeditioner’s departure, everything seemed calm, but in reality, many things were quietly brewing behind the scenes.

After finishing the handover work, it was already night.

Ling Yi still hadn’t returned… something seemed off.

He sent Ling Yi a text but didn’t receive a reply.

Lin Si felt a bit puzzled, so he went to the B79 platform, where Ling Yi liked to stay, but there was no one in sight.

At this time, training in Zone 3 had ended, and everyone else had gone to rest. Ling Yi shouldn’t have been with anyone else.

Lin Si thought about Ling Yi’s usual behavior and went to Zone 3.

Ling Yi had a nominal room in Zone 3, although he didn’t actually sleep there.

Back then, they joked that if Ling Yi was ever bullied by Lin Si, he could run back to sleep in this room.

The iris scanner had recorded Lin Si’s information, so he didn’t need to knock and could simply walk in.

Sure enough, there was a lump on the bed.

A faint smile appeared in Lin Si’s eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed and patted the cute-shaped lump. “Why didn’t you go back?”

Ling Yi, wrapped in his blanket, ignored him.

“Are you mad?” Lin Si leaned down to ask, then tried to pull the blanket away to get him out.

Ling Yi fiercely resisted inside the blanket, refusing to come out.

Lin Si frowned slightly, a possibility flashing through his mind. He opened his communicator and sent a message to the Colonel: “Does Ling Yi know that I won’t leave?”

The Colonel’s reply came quickly: “…Doesn’t he know?”

Lin Si: “.”

The Colonel, seeing Lin Si’s lonely period at the end of the message, suddenly realized something. He scratched his head and replied: “Doctor, you seem to have a problem.”

Lin Si cut off the communication and left the room.

As the door closed, Ling Yi nearly jumped out of bed. He threw off his blanket, his beautiful eyes glaring at the closed door.

He was very angry.

He was so angry that he couldn’t breathe steadily, his eyes filled with tears, and his chest rose and fell rapidly as he buried himself back into the blankets in a huff.

However, Lin Si didn’t leave as he had expected. About twenty minutes later, the door opened again.

Lin Si brought his own blanket and placed it on the bed.

Though still angry, Ling Yi unwillingly squirmed over a little to make space.

Lin Si tidied up and lay down beside him.

Ling Yi heard Lin Si’s voice.

“From a broader perspective… the situation doesn’t allow me to leave the Voyager,” Lin Si said. “Originally, I rejected the Marshal and Madam’s request, but now there’s a new danger. The Berlin virus almost leaked last night.”

“So, I don’t want to leave the Voyager, just like I didn’t want to leave Earth a long time ago,” Lin Si said softly. “Can you understand that?”

Ling Yi didn’t respond, so Lin Si continued, “I wanted to talk to you about this this morning, but you ran off too quickly. Do you want to be frozen with me, or stay on the spaceship with Su Ting?”

Ling Yi continued to pretend not to hear.

Lin Si smiled helplessly, rubbed Ling Yi’s head through the blanket, and said, “I was wrong, be good. Remember to tell me your decision tomorrow. Good night.”

The night, as usual, was extremely quiet, with only the sound of steady breathing in the room.

At 2 am, the curled-up Ling Yi suddenly moved. The blanket opened, revealing a somewhat pale face.

His eyes were a little red, and he didn’t look like he had just woken up, so it didn’t seem like a middle-of-the-night disturbance. It was more as if he hadn’t slept at all.

He sat up on the bed, took out his diary from the bedside table, opened it, wrote today’s date, and then paused for a long time with the pen.

He thought about many things, but still couldn’t bring himself to write.

“I want to sleep with Lin Si, always be by his side, even though he’s such an annoying person.” He looked at Lin Si and whispered to himself in his heart, “But when I wake up, we will still be like this.”

He didn’t want this—always following behind Lin Si, always waiting for him. He wanted…

—But he didn’t even know what he truly wanted, only that he hated the current way they interacted.

Something scratched at his heart like madness, and he desperately tried to figure out what he wanted Lin Si to do for him, but in the end, he was at a loss for words. He could only stare blankly at the starry sky outside the porthole, his eyes starting to feel sore.

“I don’t want to leave Lin Si,” he shifted his gaze and slowly wrote in his diary, “But I can’t not leave him.”

This decision might have been rash, but it came from the heart.

He leaned forward, looking down at Lin Si.

Uncontrollably, his hand rose, wanting to touch Lin Si, but then it withdrew.

His breath trembled slightly, and he felt like he was about to cry.

—Looking at the Lin Si he liked the most, he felt like crying.

“I want to grow up in a place without you,” he whispered, “And then come back to find you.”

The distant starlight shone through the porthole, revealing the expression on his face—though sad, it gave off a feeling of tenderness.

He reached out and took a can of sleep spray from the bedside. Many people on the spaceship, especially the researchers, suffered from anxiety to some extent, and this widely distributed, relaxation-inducing medication helped them sleep more soundly.

He sprayed it generously on Lin Si’s pillow, much more than the normal dosage, then picked up Lin Si’s wristband, unlocked it, and canceled the alarm.

After doing all of this, he tore out the page from his diary, folded it neatly, placed it on the bedside table, and then left the room.

At 9 am, the Expeditioner was set to depart.

Lin Si woke up from an unusually heavy sleep. His first instinct was to check the time.

8:40.

He quickly dressed, and his peripheral vision caught the sight of the diary paper on the bedside. Unfolding it, he saw Ling Yi’s handwriting.

The moment he saw that sentence, he understood Ling Yi’s meaning—although he didn’t know why Ling Yi would say that.

His mind went blank for a moment.

“Dr. Lin, you—” An officer from Zone 3 was about to greet Lin Si, who rarely appeared in Zone 3, when he saw Lin Si quickly typing a message on his communicator, passing by him in a hurry. “Excuse me.”

Lin Si arrived at the transfer station between the Expeditioner and the Voyager just as the last batch of personnel was boarding, and Ling Yi was among them.

Ling Yi was looking in his direction, and when he saw Lin Si, he froze for a moment, then smiled with his eyes slightly squinted before turning his head and walking up the gangway.

He didn’t look back. Not once.

All of his will was focused on forcing himself to do this, as if he was leaving the city of Sodom that would soon be consumed by sulfur and fire.

Because he knew that if he turned back and saw Lin Si, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from returning to his side.

When everyone had boarded the Expeditioner, and the hatch closed with a loud thud, the faint sound of the curvature engines starting came from all directions. Only then did he suddenly turn around and look at the enormous transparent porthole.

Among the crowd, there was a spot of white. From this vague silhouette, he could vividly imagine every detail of Lin Si’s appearance in his heart.

The spaceship slowly ascended, and on the reddish-brown land, the sands whipped up fiercely. The pale green dome looked like a lonely island amidst a giant wave, while the massive, black Voyager seemed like a monstrous beast, gradually swallowing up Lin Si’s figure.

Ling Yi’s breath quickened slightly. He stretched out his finger, touching the porthole. The planet became a tiny dot in the distance, and the scene outside gradually turned dark. Stars twinkled faintly in the endless desolate darkness.

Until the curvature engines were fully activated, and the spaceship jumped into the third-level subspace, leaving nothing but the vast, endless blackness around them.

He pulled his hand back, cold from the porthole, and took out the photo from his military uniform’s left chest pocket, near his heart.

At the engagement party, Ling Jing, wearing a white gown, was holding hands with a smiling Su Ting. In the background, there were various happy people.

The small building in the corner of the photo had its lights on, and two blurry figures could be seen by the window. One could imagine that they were looking at their daughter with affection and joy.

The people smiling in the photo were all buried on Earth, tens of millions of light-years away. At that time, the Voyager had left Earth, just as the Expeditioner was leaving the base today.

There was no signal, only blessings. In the vast universe, they had officially lost contact with the base. Unless they returned triumphantly, they would never meet again.

His hand trembled slightly as he flipped the photo over, revealing the words on the back.

“Facing eternity, it is the love of all of us, an endless, lingering farewell.”

He thought back to many years ago, when the Voyager had left Earth. Lin Si must have stood at a similar porthole, watching the slowly disappearing homeland and the people suffering there.

Yesterday, Lin Si, just like today, was the same as him. Everyone must make a choice, whether willingly or forced. Because of this, moments of reunion are fleeting, partings never end, and pain repeats in cycles.