THDK Chapter 13

Chapter 13: I Have Fallen Ill ②

A few weeks had passed since I arrived at the Demon King’s castle. So much had happened, and it felt like my emotions couldn’t keep up. I had things I liked, and whenever I told Nox, he always made sure I had them. Everyone treated me kindly, and I felt happy. But sometimes, I wondered if I really deserved all of this.

I wanted things, but I had lived without them for so long that there were times when I felt like I could manage without them. Nox had told me it was okay to be childlike, but I still wasn’t sure if I was able to truly act that way.

“…Brother.”

Nox and my brother were similar. I loved being gently stroked by large, warm hands. But I had never felt my heart race for my brother. My brother, who was so capable, probably understood what was going on with me now.

“Are you here?”

“Ah! Nox…”

Nox, with his usual blank expression, was approaching me. The sound of his footsteps against the floor seemed to echo in the silence. He crouched beside me, and our eyes met—his deep crimson gaze looking up at me.

I was awkward and tried to look away, but his hand rested gently on my cheek, and I couldn’t look away. His fingers brushed my cheek and gave it a light pinch.

“You look like you’re about to cry.”

“…I’m not.”

I forced a smile, a habit I’d developed since living with the viscount’s family. It felt like I had to smile all the time. Even when I was sad or in pain, as long as I smiled, I believed I could overcome it. If I cried, my heart would hurt even more, and if I sighed, it would feel even heavier. So I decided to keep smiling. I made that decision after I had hurt my brother.

“You don’t have to force yourself to smile. If I’ve done something, I’ll apologize.”

I shook my head in denial at Nox’s words. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was just that when I was with Nox, strange feelings stirred within me, and I was confused.

“Did I hurt you?”

“It doesn’t hurt. But… I’m more worried about Sol.”

“Me…”

I wondered if I would be hated if I spoke about my feelings. I was afraid of exposing my true emotions, of being vulnerable.

“Don’t hold back. You can depend on me.”

I bit my lip and clung to Nox’s neck. Being with him made my heart race, and when he touched me, it made me nervous. But I also wanted to trust him with my heart. I could only feel this way with Nox.

“When I’m with you, Nox, my heart races. I like being stroked and touched by you, but sometimes, I’m a little scared. My chest tightens, and my mind is filled with thoughts of you.”

“…That’s…”

“I think… I really like you, Nox.”

If I were to give a name to these feelings, it would be love. As I acknowledged them, my emotions poured out, filling my heart.

“I like you, I like you, I like you.”

“…Sol, that’s probably a misunderstanding.”

But Nox was the first to deny my feelings. Tears began to spill from my eyes. How could I make him understand how I felt?

“It’s not a misunderstanding… It’s not.”

I repeatedly told him this, crying as I hit Nox’s chest lightly. Was it because I was a child that he dismissed my feelings as a misunderstanding? Even if he couldn’t accept it, I just didn’t want him to deny me, and I cried out, telling him it wasn’t a mistake.

His large hand, which had been awkwardly stroking my back, now felt a little hateful. If I could grow bigger, would Nox stop denying my feelings? Would he accept me if I were an adult?

“…When I was young, I was separated from my parents and forced into a harsh training to become a demon king. Only the demon king can use dark magic. From the day I discovered I could use it, I became isolated. I brought you to the Demon King’s castle because I saw myself in you—abandoned by my parents and with no one to turn to. Of course, I had to watch over you too. But I don’t have any romantic feelings for you, Sol. All I feel for you is sympathy.”

“…”

I knew he was speaking harshly on purpose. Nox was a kind person, and even while denying my feelings, he didn’t want to treat me with cruelty. But that was the hardest part.

I should just give up. I had been doing that all this time. But that option didn’t exist for me. All I could feel was my desire to be loved by Nox, and my wish for him to see me as more than just a child.

“Let me touch your hand.”

“…Do as you please.”

I gently touched his large hand. When I pressed my palm against his, I could tell it was at least twice the size of mine. I hated that difference. I wanted to grow up quickly. Though I was often told I wasn’t childlike enough, I was still a child. That’s why I wanted to grow up—really grow up.

I leaned closer to the back of Nox’s hand. When I pressed my lips against it, I felt him shift slightly, but he didn’t push me away. I was going to prove that my feelings were real.

“I really like you, Nox. I’ll make you understand.”

This was the first true desire I had ever felt. It wasn’t like cake or cookies. This was a deep, sincere longing from the bottom of my heart. Such an overwhelming desire.

“…If that feeling remains the same even after you’ve grown, I might consider it.”

He furrowed his brows in a troubled way, looking away slightly as he spoke in a faint voice. And I couldn’t help but smile broadly. In front of Nox, I could cry or laugh. I could be myself.

As I enjoyed Nox’s rare troubled expression, I couldn’t help but think again— I wanted to grow up, and I wanted it to be soon.